Soaring

Have you ever felt the urge to fly high above the earth without the safety of a net? I admit, it is the stuff scary dreams are made of. Okay, so I wasn't exactly flying without a net, but I was tethered to the back of a boat by a nylon rope strapped into a harness attached to a parachute. Just 600 feet of rope between me and the back of the boat soaring over the deep blue waters of the Pacific. Only a few minutes of actual flying time, but years of stress melted away.

There is an eerie quiet when one is totally alone in a situation like that. There is the rush of wind as it fills the chute and lifts you higher and higher. I know how a kite feels as it fights the tension of the string when the wind catches it just right. I felt that jolt once in awhile during my short flight. Fear I had felt only a few short moments before while waiting for my turn were suddenly gone.

I am not a thrillseeker by nature. I leave that to my daughter who is always willing to try anything daring at least once. I play it safe, choosing to plant myself firmly on the ground and never take a risk. I don't want to push the envelope for fear I might get pushed back. Gravity is my ally as long as it is never challenged. The trouble with not challenging gravity is that it makes one vulnerable to assume more burden. Eventually that leads to being weighted down to the point of being immobile. Self confidence has not been my strong suit. As a result, I would assume every failure was my failure. What I found is that by taking that position, I actually invited others to shed their own responsibility. As much as I would love to say, "that ends now," I know that I will take two steps forward and three back until I master this. But, I also know that a course correction is necessary.

A centered and peaceful life means taking a risk to escape that which keeps us mired and trapped. It may be something as simple as letting go of those things that preoccupy us from the things that really matter. But, one should be prepared for the likelihood that it might mean taking bolder steps and either minimizing or completely eliminating toxicity in our lives. Everyday, we encounter toxic situations and people. We can avoid those situations and people all together OR at the very least, we can choose to minimize the impact on our lives. I, personally would like to at least try it and hopefully feel the freedom to soar a little higher.

In the Beginning

I have always had a fascination with wolves. They are my favorite animal. I think it is because even though they run in packs, they also have an individuality about them. They can be loners as well. That aptly describes me. But, what attracts me most to the wolf is that they are full of mystery, sometimes behaving as though randomly searching for something. And so I write here, to express my innermost wolf and hopefully to focus my personal world a little more.

Who knew, it would take a long overdue vacation to get me to thinking about where I've been and where I want to be? But there I was heading to Maui for a weeklong respite from the chaos of everyday life. It had been a particularly difficult year at my job. My personal life, though less stressful, was no picnic either. And so it was time to get away from it all.

I had never been to Hawaii and so with reckless abandon, we picked Maui as our destination. Tickets were bought, reservations were made and the day arrived for us to leave. What layed before me was a week of facing the "giants" in my life and coming away with a new found sense of purpose. What I left on the tarmac at Portland Airport was a year's worth of frustration and self doubt if only for a few days (it would be there when I returned).

I do need to provide a little context here, though. I enjoy my job and the work that I do, however, over the past several months, I had begun to lose the joy of going to work every day. At first I thought it was just me. But, then I realized that circumstances beyond my control were calling the shots. An economy was in turmoil and people were frightened. I work in education policy and the whole field was in a freefall. Like most people, educators were angry at someone, but nobody in particular. And those on the verge of idocy turned into full blown personality disorders. I felt hammered.

Standing in the warm surf watching the sun set between two islands and experiencing the sea breezes began to massage my tension into a delightful calm. From that moment, all the criticism, anger and outright hostility that had been directed my way nearly half an ocean away, ebbed into insignificance. The toxic people I had encountered over the past year became inconsequential. Oh I would have to deal with them once again, when I returned, but when I deal with them from this point on, it will be from a place of stronger peace rather than weak anger.

And so in the coming days, weeks and months, I will share my experiences and learnings as I begin to center around what really matters and what is worth fighting for rather than looking for promise in the ego feeding frenzy that ruled my world up to now.