My wife and I attended a gathering tonight. It was an evening of humor, laughter and insight. At one point discussion turned toward the mysteries of God--namely the idea of the Trinity. How can God be God, but be also man and spirit? We laughed and bantered about trying to explain the infinitely unnatural in human terms.
Later, on the drive home, my wife and I talked about it some more. For a moment I became lost in the awesomeness of it. I can't even begin to understand God. Nor can I explain how a being so vast and so eternal can be so personal as to want a relationship with me. I just have to accept on faith that He is and He does.
I've been struggling with doubt--wondering how a man with all of my hang-ups, habits and hurts could ever be worthy of the love of One so magnificent. The truth is I am not worthy. And then it struck me. It is not about my worth or lack of worth that matters. It is that God sees me (and each one of us) as a treasure of incalculable value. I am going to try to make that idea real in my day to day life.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Getting Reacquainted with an Old Friend
This year, the series at church is simply Jesus. Who is this man? What is the balance between his divinity and his humanness? Today I felt like I was getting reacquainted with an old friend. But, more than that I realized that at this juncture in my life and my life as a Christian, I am still so immature.
Early in my life as a Christian, I had been accused of living from one mountain top experience to another which coincidentally coincided with my attendance at camp or some retreat. But, as I have gotten older, I don't attend as many retreats and so those experiences are fewer and farther between. As a younger man, I looked to wiser men and women of faith and said, "I want what they have." But without a firm grasp of what they truly had, I would sink into despair and life would all too soon return to the routine and guilt and shame would replace zeal and hope. Now, people regard me as being all together and some even look to me as one of those seasoned saints with lots of experience. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, I feel like a huge phony when it comes to matters of the spiritual heart. What you see is not necessarily what you get. Well, that ends now.
I still want what those other men and women have when it comes to facing the worst life has to throw at us and still remain hopeful and faithful to the One who is above all else. I have a frend from college who is battling colon cancer. What impressed me most about my friend, Steve pre-cancer, was his insanely positive (and humorous) outlook on life. Unless he reads this, he may never know that I saw the way he lived and wanted so much to live life like he does. But now, here is Steve in the midst of a hostile and at times, hopeless battle. And from what I can tell, Steve is facing this with amazing courage and a very positive and hopeful outlook. I'm sure there are moments where he may become overwhelmed and he may even question why. But, Steve's preparation for this battle was his faithful and strong belief in something far greater than this life. And when Steve needed God to show up, God did so in a big way! Is Steve healed? No. But what an inspiration he is to so many of us.
I've made a lot of mistakes. The things of my past haunt me. And now that I've driven the proverbial stake in the ground to mark this moment, I'm sure I can count on pushback from forces both tangible and spiritual. Bring it on. I want others to know that what they see is what they get.
Today, I got reaquainted with an old friend. I am so blessed that the worst of what life has to offer can be met with the best of what Heaven has to offer.
Early in my life as a Christian, I had been accused of living from one mountain top experience to another which coincidentally coincided with my attendance at camp or some retreat. But, as I have gotten older, I don't attend as many retreats and so those experiences are fewer and farther between. As a younger man, I looked to wiser men and women of faith and said, "I want what they have." But without a firm grasp of what they truly had, I would sink into despair and life would all too soon return to the routine and guilt and shame would replace zeal and hope. Now, people regard me as being all together and some even look to me as one of those seasoned saints with lots of experience. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, I feel like a huge phony when it comes to matters of the spiritual heart. What you see is not necessarily what you get. Well, that ends now.
I still want what those other men and women have when it comes to facing the worst life has to throw at us and still remain hopeful and faithful to the One who is above all else. I have a frend from college who is battling colon cancer. What impressed me most about my friend, Steve pre-cancer, was his insanely positive (and humorous) outlook on life. Unless he reads this, he may never know that I saw the way he lived and wanted so much to live life like he does. But now, here is Steve in the midst of a hostile and at times, hopeless battle. And from what I can tell, Steve is facing this with amazing courage and a very positive and hopeful outlook. I'm sure there are moments where he may become overwhelmed and he may even question why. But, Steve's preparation for this battle was his faithful and strong belief in something far greater than this life. And when Steve needed God to show up, God did so in a big way! Is Steve healed? No. But what an inspiration he is to so many of us.
I've made a lot of mistakes. The things of my past haunt me. And now that I've driven the proverbial stake in the ground to mark this moment, I'm sure I can count on pushback from forces both tangible and spiritual. Bring it on. I want others to know that what they see is what they get.
Today, I got reaquainted with an old friend. I am so blessed that the worst of what life has to offer can be met with the best of what Heaven has to offer.
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